Just cause I've decided t love you,

Stories,

Monday, May 21, 2007

Okays. Once again, spent the night talking to xiao-gu once again. Lols. It's nice to talk to him, cause whatever he says, it's bound to make me laugh like shit. Yesterday I was like what, in such a bad mood. Then he called and tried to make me smile. And he did it somehow. Thanks. ^^

And yes. I've finally decided to give up on him alrdy. As for the reasons why made me decide on this, look out for the later part then. Cause it's gonna be the last reflection alrdy. The last of the last. Had a good cry lastnight, and this time. I know, by hook or by crook. I must give up.

The wait from 1March-21May.

Finally, i've decided to give up alrdy. Yes, it's finally. All those promises of forgetting him in the past is useless. only until now then did i realise, empty promises are what You've been giving me. Keeping me in waiting, keeping me in high hopes.
Many were disappointed when i cant seem to forget You.
And here i now type, the last words for You. finally, the last words.

You dint call for a long time alrdy. I suppose You found someone new. You used to call every single night, yes. Every single night without fail.

82days ago, it was a thursday that i first knew You. The first ever msg You send... is still inside my phone. 5plus was the first msg you sent. And You called at night. It was the fist night that we chatted. And we chatted till late at night. When i ended the call, i thought to myself. Maybe You could be the next guy that i will love. Cause the feeling for You was something similar to that of yap's.
Then, sending You a msg whenever i have the time has been a habit ever since. When i wake up. When i'm resting after my liondance performance.
And yes, everyday going down to longjohn's has been a habit as well. And everytime when You call, i would put every single thing aside, just to chat with You.
And one week later, finally i knew i've fallen in love with You.
Because of your existance, stop fagging is something that i did.
And every night after i've finished talking to You, i would always fall asleep with a smile on my face, and yes. It's always.
Everyday going down to longjohn's has been the habit ever since. Just by seeing You makes my day.
The first muacks You gave in your sms, i was smiling throughout.
Because of You, i fall out with my sisters. Whatever it is, there's just one thing in my mind. I just wanted You to be mine.
20March, after my piano lessons, i went to find You at Your house. I don't know how to face You, because You know very well the answer. But when i saw You, when You smiled. Trust me, it completely melted my heart. I was talking on the phone. Therefore, You walked over to the fitness corner and sat down there and fagged. I went over. I dint know what to say. I dare not even look at You. You kept asking me to sit down. I just kept shaking my head. And You kept smiling. then, You pulled me to sit down and i still sat quite a distance away from You. Then You accompanied me to my bus-stop. As my parents went malaysia that night, i told You i dint want to go home yet. Then we walked back to the void deck and we just sat down there and slack. The way You let Your hands down my face, until now, i still cant forget. The silly smiles, i cant forget as well. We went over to the bus stop and stood there. Those silly moments i just cant forget as well. It was pleasant, it was sweet. And i just smiled on the way home.
You got angry, just cause i mentioned about the outing i had with my group of guy friends last year. You got angry when i mentioned about yap.
I told You what happened between me&yap. And you told me something. Do you still remember?
" Aiya, dont sad liao lahs. Dont think about him anymore. Cause you have got me now right? "
This, is what You've said. Do you still remember anot? And at that point of time, i thought i could depend You. I thought You must be the reason why i breathe.
And i still remember, when You told me about the poker cards. You used them to count fate. You said, it mentioned that we will be together. And you mentioned that You trust the poker cards alot. Cause you helped alot people with it. And You said it was true. I was happy, i really really was.
And then, the bad news started coming in.
The first was you telling me You like mel. Your love for us was 50-50. Then, it was the ever first time that i teared for You.
Then, the phone calls dont come in every single night anymore. At that time, i wanted very much to give up, i really wanted. But the things are holding me back, therefore. I held on.
Bad news came in one by one. Wnd when i knew i seriously had to let You go, i realised it was all too late. I cant seem to turn back anymore. It was too late. And i had to walk alone along the path to forgetting You. It was something diffcult, and i had to handle it alone.
1April, i went down to your cousin's house to find You. And we spent a full 3 hours together, just at the void deck. And mentos is the secret between us.
And at that time, i know. We wont and we cant have anymore private times like this anymore. I knew the answer. Yet i just kept quiet.

Soon, Your calls get lesser&lesser.
Then, Your sms got lesser&lesser.

I thought i could have You for a birthday present. But You somehow ruined it for me. Telling me the truth just 15mins before my birthday. I cried all through the night. Yet, You just ended the whole subject with a mere sorry. It was the end, it really was.

Knowing the whole truth lastnight. You knew her for a mere 2days. And asked her for stead.

And this is the time, i realise.
I HAD TO GIVE YOU UP, BY HOOK OR BY CROOK.
And that left me crying once again. Trying to erase those memories together. But then, i can't./ But at least i knew. We ended right here, after 82days.

Whatever it is, i still thank you for the memories. I truly felt blessed.

Still remember the promise i've told You about?
I'm still hanging on to the promise i've made.

在我最后一次，

闭上眼睛之前，

我想对你说我爱你。

在你怀里，

舍不得放弃，

心里有千万语还没说给你听。

我使劲全力，

不想闭上眼睛，

这次告别就不能再相遇。

不能再陪你，

但不要忘记，

你曾经答应我你会好好活下去。

先走了

去了好远的地方

不能再陪你看日出

等不到天亮

所有回忆没去

却并不容易

生死由天决定

不要太伤心

在我最后一次，
闭上眼睛之前，
我想对你说我爱你。
在你怀里，
舍不得放弃，
心里有千万语还没说给你听。

我使劲全力，
不想闭上眼睛，
这次告别就不能再相遇。
不能再陪你，
但不要忘记，
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去。

我永远爱你。♥